115 – Why?

29 09 2010

Why do I keep overeating? Why do I keep eating foods that upset my stomach and make me feel all bad inside? Why do I keep eating and eating and eating? Especially when I know its bad for me? Why do I feel the need to eat everything that I shouldn’t be eating? Is it because I know that I’m doing a 3 month purge of all these bad foods so I am trying to get my fill? Is it cause I want to reinforce why I am doing this – why I am trying to change my sinful ways…

Who knows. I wish I could say it was because I am reinforcing the reason behind my decisions, but I really just think that it is weakness. I will get there. This is just another speed bump on my journey. An obstacle to overcome. A desire to figure out.




2 responses

1 10 2010
Rissa Ree

This is something we will have to delve into a little deeper if you are ready as I just had some M&Ms last night for the first time in I don’t even know how long. Often when we are moving into a “diet” where there is elimination happening we begin to have feelings of deprivation… the question may be to ask ourselves where are we feeling deprived in our lives? What are we depriving ourselves of? Do we feel this is a type of abandonment? Do we feel worthy of having a healthy diet, body, life? Let’s consider some different angles on this one because I know it has come up for me other times I’ve made the choice to do some sort of drastic shift.

2 10 2010

I will definitely spend more time thinking about this. I know that I am definitely having a hard time with Jeremy being gone, and that I make up for that in some ways with food. I also know that I am not as good at eating healthy when he isn’t here. I do less cooking for myself (and less healthy cooking), and therefore I eat out more often, which often leads to other temptations.

I think you are spot on with the deprivation part too. that all of a sudden we feel deprived of things (that we haven’t even necessarily been eating or wanting to eat), and now we need to have them, because we are afraid that we may never eat them again, or something else???

Thanks for making me think about this more!

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