215 – Matters of Size

or… Size Matters… or does it?

My sister and I had a blast the other day shopping for pants and sweaters and maybe a few other things at thrift stores down here in San Diego. It was awesome. It was one of the few times I really actually enjoyed myself while I was shopping for clothes. I definitely attribute that to the fact that I’ve lost weight and actually more or less like my body. I wasn’t cringing when I looked at myself in the mirror in changing room, I wasn’t drawn to tears when the size 10 or the size 12 didn’t fit over my fat thighs or large buttocks… I enjoyed myself.

And for the first time, I didn’t look at the size of the jeans before I tried them on. I looked at them to see if they looked like they would fit and I tried them on. I was amazed. One store we went to, 3 out of 4 pants that I tried on fit me… like a glove! It was amazing! I thought that there must have been something with the mirrors or something that they looked so good on me that I actually wanted to buy them. I was amazed. I have never felt like I actually looked good in pants that I tried on. I was always analyzing what part of myself was too fat, was sticking out in the wrong place, was flapping over the band of my pants. I didn’t really do that this time. I know I’m not super thin or really sexy. I still have cellulite on my thighs and behind, but I am happy. I  love that I feel so good about myself.

So – when we got home, and I had 6 new (to me at least) pairs of jeans, I decided it was time I should try to figure out what size I actually am. So – I looked at the sizes. Now keep in mind that before this project started I had mostly size 12 pants, and even a size 14. Yesterday, when I looked at sizes, I had a size 26, two 27’s, a 30, a size 6 and a size 8. Now, I have to admit that that feels so amazing! Even though I can’t tell you what size I actually wear right now, the fact that even the largest size is 4 below what I used to wear is amazing.

So – does size matter? I think it does. My attitude, feelings about myself and love of life are so much better. Is it just from losing weight? Is it just because I am ‘smaller’? I don’t think so. Actually I know it isn’t. But, it definitely is a part of it. So – size matters. But – the size of my jeans doesn’t, because I can’t even tell you what size I wear!