283 – I AM Good Enough!

15 03 2011

Feeling down:( and I know why! I ate dairy again today. I have started to notice a trend. Every time I eat dairy, the rest of my day turns to shit! I get emotional, I start to doubt myself, and I end up feeling like crap about my body. Mostly cause I bloat up, get gaseous, and feel like crap. Then I look in the mirror, and I look like crap.

I am super sensitive to every comment, and take everything personally. I can actually feel my body bloating up and getting fat. Thankfully it goes away by morning, but let me tell you – as I am sitting here, uber-aware of my ever expanding thighs and ass, it don’t feel so good!

So – why do I keep doing it to myself? Why do I sabotage myself like this?

Well – I’m still working on the answer to that one. I think I am afraid of what it means to be truly healthy and happy. It means that I wouldn’t have anything to bitch about. Which sounds great, right? But – that is how we relate. I know, it sounds horrible. But have you ever noticed that all you talk about with friends sometimes is negative stuff – stuff you don’t like about yourself, your life – you are fat, want to lose weight, this doesn’t work, my husband doesn’t do this, blah blah blah! Maybe that is why I don’t have that many friends, cause I can’t handle it! I want to live a healthy happy life! I want to talk about positive things. I want to live a BIG life. And I want others to share in that joy and love with me – not be caught up in the drama of not being good enough.

I am good enough – damn it! And I know it! Now I just need to start acting like it!

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