A Rough Patch

2 10 2016

Since my last post, I’ve gone through a bit of a rough patch. This post will not be about sleep hygiene, like I was going to do. It will be about the ups and downs of life. My life, in particular.

I have been really struggling, for awhile now. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I have hit an all-time low. I feel drained all the time, I want to disappear and hide from my life. I drown my emotions in food (especially ice cream and chocolate) and binge a lot. I have gained a bunch of weight, and was surprised when I weighed myself and found that I am now heavier than I was when I gave birth to my first child. Yep – I weigh more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant. That hurts!

I don’t have any particular health problems (thank goodness!), but I am fatigued, my joints ache (especially my elbows and wrists), and I can’t get motivated to do anything. I have lost my joy. This is not how I want to live my life.

I have always been a strong believer in finding the right motivation. If you have a strong enough reason, then you can stay motivated. I am having a hard time finding that motivation – even though I think I have great reasons, and they are damn important to me, it isn’t working to get my out of this funk!

Then, I was listening to a podcast today with Jocko Willink. If you don’t know who Jocko is, you are missing out.  He is an ex-Navy Seal, and a bit intimidating, even in podcast form. He talks a lot about extreme ownership and discipline and leadership abilities. But today, he said something that really got me. He talked about motivation being fickle… about it being very easy to lose motivation… that you can’t count on motivation. You have to count on discipline.

That really struck a nerve with me. I lose motivation very easily. Especially with 2 little ones running around and a husband who has a very demanding job. I need to understand that every decision I make, every little decision I make, impacts my day and my health and my future. I need to take ownership of the decisions I make and realize that I am making a decision, even by doing nothing and not ‘deciding’ on anything, I have made a decision. I need to own that, understand the consequences, and keep moving forward. It is up to me to be disciplined and accept responsibility for the life I am leading, and if I am dissatisfied with where I am at right now, it is my fault. It is my decisions that have lead me to this point, and it is only my decisions that will lead me out.

F*&^ motivation. Bring on the discipline!

Notes: If you are interested in hearing the podcast that I mentioned, check out Tim Ferriss’ podcast Episode #187 with Jocko Willink. There are some things in there that I definitely don’t agree with, but I find Jocko to be an amazing individual, and I respect his beliefs, and highly value his advice on leadership. Jocko also has his own podcast, which is pretty awesome, intimidating, and a bit heavy. If you are interested in learning more about his leadership concepts and the idea of extreme ownership, which I find fascinating, check out his book, Extreme Ownership, co-authored with Leif Babin. I listened to it on Audible, and am about to listen to it a second time.

 

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3 responses

3 10 2016
Bambi

Funny you say fickle I just used this in a description of myself and being motivated towards something, but like it so happens my moods/motivation can be fickle and I can totally relate!

3 10 2016
Ginger

I think discipline is motivation! You are amazing and loved lady!!! Way to own it and put it out there. We all struggle with consistency in our lives, no matter what name you give it!😘

4 10 2016
Marissa

Nice work keeping on this accountability train, sis!
This is all part of it 🙂
I especially think the following is an important thing for all of us to remember:
“I need to take ownership of the decisions I make and realize that I am making a decision, even by doing nothing and not ‘deciding’ on anything, I have made a decision.”
Own it!
Live it! Embrace it! Do it!
You got this!
Love ya!

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