Being hard on myself

3 10 2016

I have a really hard time when people tell me not to be so hard on myself. I know they mean well, but to me, it is akin to saying, “everything is just fine, accept the status quo, no need for improvement or change”. None of those things is alright with me. If I can’t push myself to be a better person, a better human, a better Mom or wife or homesteader or fill in the blank, then who will? Change is a good thing, and when I am being ‘hard’ on myself, to me, it is a sign that something needs to change. It usually means that I have not been pushing myself to be my best, and I have gotten into a spiral of bad habits, bad attitude and negative thoughts and behaviors. In this case, status quo is not a good spot to be in, and change is needed in order to move forward, improve who I am, and continue to strive to be the best human I can be.

I remember when I had my babies, and within a few months, I was feeling the need for change. To start moving more, to lose that baby fat, to move forward. I got comments over and over that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, it’s only been (fill in the blank) # of months. When does the number of months become enough that I ‘can’ want to see a change? Why does that number matter? Why do people have such a hard time accepting that I want to be the best person I can, and that means not necessarily accepting the status quo and ‘being hard’ on myself? Why are we afraid of other people improving their lives? Are we so afraid to look in the mirror and see that we are not our best selves, that we want to stop others from being their best selves?

When my babies grow up, I want them to look at their father and I and see someone they would love to be like. I want them to see that we have always strived to be the best people we could be – the best parents, the best humans, healthy, happy, active, involved. I want to be around for when they have babies, and maybe even when their babies have babies. And I want those years to be filled with laughter and joy and activity, not filled with hospital visits, and medications, and fear. This is why I am hard on myself. This is why I am striving to be a better me. This is why I am embracing discipline in my life.

Can you imagine if we all pushed ourselves to be the best versions of ourselves, continually changing, moving forward, growing, learning, loving? What an amazing world this would be.

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